You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My cat gives me a boner
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
