new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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