Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
