Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
