I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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