I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
