I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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