Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
