and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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