so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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