I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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