I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize