That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize