just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm at about main and main street
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
