I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
