come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
