Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
