i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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