So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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