It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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