Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
