I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
