It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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