1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
