Got a toothbrush?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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