So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
