Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
