There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
