We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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