this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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