well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
