Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
