You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
