Porn is love you can see.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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