I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize