So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
