3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
