just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need water and some morals
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
