are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
