My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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