Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
