my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
