Sponge bath it is.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
