Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
