I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
