Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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