just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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