you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
