6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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