He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
