He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
