"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
