my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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