So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
