I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
