Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
