i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
