the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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