Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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