I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
