I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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