My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
