I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
