who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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