I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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