Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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