I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
