I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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