Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
