you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
