i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
