dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
