i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
