Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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