I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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