Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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