i just had sex bonerless
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
