it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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