Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
