you're like a bully in the Christmas story
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
